Weight Watchers

Stuffing your feelings

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Emotional eating. The bane of my dieting existence. Why do I do it? To avoid my feelings? To have an illusion of control? Both of them?

This month Weight Watchers is talking about eating (when/where/what/why). Emotional eating definitely has been discussed. It helps to hear others’ ways of dealing with the problems and urges. Get busy doing a craft. Go for a walk. Talk to a friend. Journal. Most of them are strategies that distract you from the urge. I find that doesn’t work for me. I have to take the urge by the horns, break it down, and deal with it. If you can distract yourself until it passes, great! I just can’t when I’m really in the throes of a binge.

We all eat based on emotions to some extent. Some of us handle it well. Being in the mood for nachos and eating 3 or 4 chips and being satisfied. Then there are people like me, who eat the whole platter intended to serve 4 and want more. I am applying the lesson I learned early in life. Food makes you feel better. It keeps you from being sad or lonely. It gives you the feeling that you are in control of something in your life. All are misleading. The feelings are still there. You are just as powerless to control things when you’re eating. In fact, you are even more out of control, thanks to the power of food.

I’ve been struggling the past few days. It was a year ago that my mother fell, broke her hip and went into rehab. She never came out. I spent May watching her slow, painful death. I think it was her MS ultimately. At the end, she couldn’t see, speak, eat, or anything. I still feel like I should have been able to do more. So of course, I’ve been eating things left and right. Anything that isn’t tied down looks appetizing. I’m trying to stop feeling bad and start feeling like I do have some power to exert control over the world. It isn’t working. 😦

I needed to stop and think. Reflect. Be mindful. I sat down with my journal, and listed all the things that I think are making me feel bad and powerless. Once I had that list, for each item I wrote the facts of the situation. Next, I wrote my feelings and irrational thoughts for each thing. Then, I wrote what I could actually do and how to do it for each thing. Finally, I made a plan of action, acknowledged my feelings and accepted that I cannot control everything or fix everything for my loved ones.

And you know what? I actually stopped eating everything in sight. I know I’m not the one in total control, but I noted my abilities to affect change or improvement. I told myself it’s OK to be grieving my mom. It’s OK to want to help everyone. It’s also OK to do what I can and then let the rest go. It isn’t easy. It took lots of work for me to reach this point. Meditation. Reflection. Journaling. Therapy. Hard work. I have earned my peace of mind and I have learned how to develop it for myself. You see, you can’t rely on someone else to soothe the pain or lessen the fear. You have to do it for yourself.

Once you’ve taken care of your thoughts, letting them go like clouds scuttling across the sky, you find contentment and inner joy in life. The need to eat everything dissipates. You can use your lifestyle tools to eat sensibly and feel satisfied. You can go on with life and love yourself.

So, how do you know if you’re really hungry?

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Weight Watchers (WW) last week was all about distinguishing internal hunger cues from external hunger cues. For example, watching a commercial and suddenly craving the food it shows is definitely external. Everyone has different internal cues. My personal ones are a headache, shaky hands, and I start to feel nauseous (which makes it a little weird when I’m eating sometimes). It’s important that you figure out your own signals. The best way would be to keep a food journal, listing when/what/how you feel/time/place for each time you eat. I like to keep mine in a diet journal. It helps you understand your body and mind. Knowing which one is calling the shots is very helpful.

What do you so when you are craving something? I find I need to give in and eat a little of it or I’ll eat the whole house trying to satisfy the urge. I am getting better at distracting myself from the urge, though. I use IMPROVE from DBT and “vacations”. Both come down to creating a different setting for yourself, away from the influences that are fooling you into the craving. Go to your happy place. Let’s face it, most of the time when I get cravings it’s because I am NOT in a good place. Someone has said something mean about my size. When my mom was dying was a terrible one. When the scale goes up and I know I didn’t eat that poorly. Or when the scale just doesn’t go down. Maybe your significant other brought home some baked goodies (my personal weakness). No matter what it is, you have to find a way to separate yourself from the current situation. Go on that mental vacation. Picture clouds moving across the sky or waves on the beach or a rainy storm, wiping away the urge. Meditate on it. Once you stop the squirrel mind, you can get back into a good place, and not give in to the urges.

So far, I’m down 40 pounds. Only 130 pounds to go. I’ve been on the dreaded plataue for the past couple of weeks. That has not helped my frame of mind. I’m working hard not to give in to the you-might-as-well-eat-everything-because-you’re-a weak failure state of mind. Lots of meditating and journaling. Self soothing without food. I hope to have broken through the plataue this week. Cross your fingers for me.

What slows you down?

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WW talked about fuel vs. friction a few weeks ago. Then it was your circle of friends. All of it has been about momentum this month. How to get it and keep it. So, how do I keep going?

I have adopted the idea that no food is bad. If I try to deny myself something, I just end up eating everything trying to cover that urge. Instead, I am trying to eat like a thin person. Have you ever noticed how they can take 2 or 3 bites and consider themselves sated? It blows my mind that such a thing is possible, but I am working hard to develop the habit. I am adapting a life style, not a diet.

So, how to eat less and be satisfied? I am focusing on eating mindfully. This means slowing down and actually tasting your food. If you eat more slowly, you will realize you are full before you devour the entire thing. So, eating like a thin person. I have to focus and be very deliberate to make this work. I strive to be present with the food, not letting my attention wander. It is making a big difference. I’m down 40 pounds, now. Instead of eating 3 cheeseburgers, I’m eating most of 1, and finding myself satisfied.

I’ve stopped using food to self soothe. I am doing other things like reading, taking a bubble bath, crafting, gardening, cleaning. Yes, I know, cleaning is not considered relaxing and soothing to most people, but I find it builds my peace, sense of control, and calms my mind. So, it is important to figure out what makes you feel good, that doesn’t involve food. Make a list. Look up a list of self soothing strategies on line. Think about what you did as a child to feel happy. Those things will work today, too. Keep your list with you until you have made it second nature. Your stress levels will drop and so will your weight.

It is Dog Wood Winter. I dislike these cold snaps in the spring, but they are normal. I find myself itching to get into my garden and make things grow. I grow a lot of herbs, flowers, and a few vegetables. I don’t have a huge garden plot. I grow most of my veggies in containers. Last year, my garden suffered from neglect because I was at my mom’s so much, watching her die. This summer, I hope nothing happens to bring me back down to that place. At that time, it was all I could do not to eat the entire house. I don’t feel as guilty about her death, now, but it has taken a lot of journaling and reflection to get here.

My journal is my favorite tool to develop mental health. It even helps me maintain physical health. I work through my feelings and figure out what is bothering me. I make a list of all the things I think could be bothering me. Next, for each item, I list the facts of the situation and my feelings/perceptions. Finally, I come up with what I can really do about each problem. This creates resolution in my mind and gives me a feeling of more control and guides me in what action to take. I often color code it to make it easy to see what goes with what. You don’t have to do it in a journal, just a plain old piece of paper will do. Give it a try. It’s far superior to just emoting and complaining in your journal.