I know I am not the only one who has trouble being merry and jolly this time of year. If you’re a real person with a real family, chances are that getting everyone together creates a ton of stress. Getting the right gift. Eating enough of grandma’s cooking to make her happy but not be a gluttonous pig. Disagreements over politics. Old family arguments flaring up. Of course, you may be like me. I never see my family for Christmas. It is always a lonely day with just my husband, which, if you pay attention to media, is totally unnatural and should make me feel unloved, unwanted, unsuccessful, and suicidal. So, you can’t win either way.

If you are trying to lose or not gain weight during the holidays, you feel another ton or so of pressure. All the yummy goodies that you know will taste good. People showing love by making and giving you baked goods. Your weight loss group telling you not to eat any of it if you want to be a good dieter. The judgement of said group if you do eat Christmas treats. The worry that you will give in and binge yourself out of your smaller pants and back into your tent dress.

Everything has to be pretty, festive, and meaningful. You have to be careful not to offend people. Wishing the wrong person the wrong holiday greeting can lead to an argument, hurt feelings, and being excluded from the group. Of course, there is a whole segment offended if you don’t call it the holiday they celebrate. Keeping all that straight is exhausting in itself.

So, what does all of this have to do with self worth and weight loss? Quite a bit.

If you are a stress eater, there are plenty of triggers around. Family arguments. Strangers fighting you for a gift/parking place/last ham on the shelf. Fear of offending people by saying the wrong thing. Your support group telling you that you cannot indulge in any way or you have failed. And there are many, many opportunities to give in and try to stuff that anxiety into silence.

If you are prone to binge eating, what a target rich environment!!! Everyone is making and giving cookies. Fancy dinners to get together. Parties with lots of appetizers. Stores are full of treats. Huge festive meals. You don’t even have to sneak around or hide the food to binge this time of year.

Feel the pressure for everything to be perfect? Decorated with coordinating presents, trees, wreaths, figurines, and lights (a la Martha Stewart)? Getting everyone the exact thing they truly want? Being happy and cheerful the whole time? Doing parties and activities non-stop? Actually enjoying being with your family? Yep, your self worth is taking a hit from the myth of Christmas or the holiday of your choice.

I have learned to accept that I do feel pressure for everything to be perfect andthe anxiety of getting everything right is going to drive me to binge. I can’t pretend that they aren’t there. They are a part of me. My self worth and ability to deal with all the stress and tempations are integral to me. They help make me who I am. To deny them is to deny myself and pretend that I am someone I am not. I have to accept them, deal with them, and live. To help myself control the urges to binge, I spend a lot of time journaling, doing behavioral chain analysis, coping ahead, and keeping myself busy with baking/crafts/writing. You may well ask how I can bake a great deal and not eat it all. Well, that is strangely tied to my lack of self worth. I honestly believe that everything I make is no good, no matter how many people tell me they love it and that they want more of it. That belief keeps me from wanting to eat the cookies, fudge, cakes, and bread that I make before I give it away. The behavioral chain analysis, coping ahead, and writing take place in my journal. You can find free work sheets for those things if you just Google or use Pinterest. I have a bunch of things like this saved on my Pinterest therapy board for when I need a nudge to do the work. I have also learned to understand that the “perfect holiday” doesn’t really exist. No one can do everything perfectly and make everyone happy and be happy, too. It’s crazy to expect anyone to do that. Companies make a lot of money by convincing people that it is achievable, making them feel less than if they don’t reach that elusive goal. When I start feeling less than because of the lack of family, perfect decorations, parties, and such, I remind myself that it is a giant house of Christmas cards, ready to fall apart at the slightest examination, so I shouldn’t feel bad because I can’t or don’t do all of those things.

This is my happy Christmas day. I sleep late. I make a good breakfast for my husband and myself. I spend the morning crocheting or cross stitching until time to start cooking. I cook a full meal (turkey, ham, home made rolls, red velvet cheese cake, green beans, corn, deviled eggs, and such). I know it’s a lot for 2 people, but we are OK with left overs for a week after the big day. I read and craft throughout the day. The Christmas tree lights are twinking on my miniature tree. My amaryllis, poinsettias, paper whites, and hyacinths are blooming. I think it is wonderful and restful. It’s not the huge family gathering with all the perfectly coordinated decorations and such, but it is the right thing for me. Once I accepted that, my self worth began to recover. I do wonder what it would be like to participate in the “perfect holiday,” but I know it doesn’t mean I’m any less if I don’t have that.

So, take care of yourself. Remember your reality is better than the make believe “perfect holiday” because it is yours. If you want to eat some cookies, do it. You’ll end up eating less if you give in and satisfy the urge rather than trying to eat around it. Use your journal to get the thoughts out of your head and examine them. Deal with them and let them go. Everyone can make it through the holidays in a good place. Take your own Christmas cards and build your own holiday.