Month: March 2023

The infamous last dinner of dieting

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Everyone who has ever planned to lose weight, knows about the last dinner. That last meal where you let yourself eat what you really want in preparation for denying and depriving yourself so that you will lose weight. Isn’t that kind of setting yourself up to fail?

If you’re looking at food as rewarding = not healthy and good food = not what you want, aren’t you telling yourself that you don’t deserve to be happy and healthy? That is not a good way to live your life. Everyone deserves to be happy and healthy. You are a human being. You are worthy and valuable to the world. So stop punishing yourself to be “better.”

Needing to lose weight does not mean you are weak, less than anyone else, or deserve punishment. It means that you’ve got some unhealthy habits or problems that need to be improved and unlearned. None of us set out to be fat. We were just trying to comfort or reward ourselves in a world that didn’t meet our needs or care about us. So, we picked up using food to self-medicate. After all, food doesn’t tell you you are ugly, useless, less than, or unworthy. Food provides comfort and enjoyment. Sadly, when that is our only source of comfort and filling the emptiness inside our souls, it creates more problems, making it necessary to use food and even more of a drug. Creating more problems. Increasing the urge to eat. And so on. The classic viscious cycle.

Until, you decide it is time to lose weight. Become a “better” person.

Enter the last dinner. You promise yourself that you will enjoy this last meal, and it will get you through the denial you plan to practice to lose weight. You get all you favorites. Cheeseburgers. Fries. Chocolate cake. Cookies. Ice cream. Pasta loaded with cheese. Grilled cheese. Whatever gets your appetite going. Lots of each thing, too, of course. Eating until you are painfully full because you expect to never eat the “good stuff” again, because you are going to lose weight. Has it ever worked for you?

It doesn’t work out that way for anyone I’ve ever known. You set yourself up to fail when you approach your eating habits like that. You’re telling yourself A) what you like/love is off limits, B) there is “good” food and “bad” food, and C) you must be punished to redeem yourself. None of those things is healthy for you.

To really get healthy, you have to change habits and mind sets. You can’t view the changes as punishments, or you’ll resent them and sabotage yourself. You can’t think of it as punishing yourself, or you’ll rebel and comfort yourself the same way you always have. You need to know that all food can be good, it’s the amounts that make anything bad for you.

You must eat food that you actually like, for changes to stick. Maybe that means eating mindfully. No more mindless noshing in front of the TV or social media. Actually looking at your food, smelling it, tasting it. Slowing down. Those changes will help you enjoy what you eat and not need so much of it to be content. Perhaps, you’ll need to learn to prepare your favorites yourself and in a healthier way.

You also need to learn new ways to comfort yourself and deal with stress. Food hasn’t worked for you, yet, and it probably never will. I highly recommend therapy and DBT to learn to deal with stressors. You’ll get tools and strategies to use. Behavioral chain analysis, where you break down the behavior you want to change and develop ways to change it. Self soothing that doesn’t involve food (coloring, crafting, reading, listening to music, journaling, taking a bath, taking a walk, etc.). Mindfulness and letting emotions and thoughts pass, instead of being trapped in them. Acceptance of life as it is, reducing the stress from thinking life is supposed to be a particular way. You can do it.

So, no more last dinners. Make every meal a pleasure and you’ll be happier and healthier.

What to do when you’re sinking fast.

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I’m tired of this plateau. I seem to keep running just to stay still. I haven’t changed my eating habits. I’m being more active. I’m drinking more water. So why am I not losing anything except my peace of mind?

I’ve always been an emotional eating. Trying to fill the emptiness with calories. I’m not doing that this time around. I guess I should see that as a victory. In the old days, I would have eaten 4 or 5 cheeseburgers, a large fry, and a cake in one sitting. I don’t do that any more, and even though it was my go to strategy for years, I’m not feeling to urge to do it now. Progress, right?

I need to find a new way to comfort myself and reassure myself. I just want to hide in my little corner and pretend that there are no people out there. I want to be left alone in the dark. I don’t want to eat. So what can I do to put myself in a better place?

Talk to someone? I don’t want to pull anyone else into my bog. I’m not in therapy any more (I “graduated”). Discussion boards with strangers are not an attractive option. I guess I’ll settle for writing a nice, long letter to myself. Use cheerleading statements. List my concerns. Determine what I can and can’t control. Use radical acceptance. Maybe some behavioral chain analysis worksheets while I’m at it. Do some goal planning. A vision board. Try to use the words to rise from the ashes.

I need to look to the light. I haven’t gained any weight. I am fairly healthy. I have a home and a husband. I have friends. Things could be a lot worse. Note to self: That line really doesn’t ever work when you’re down in the bog. All I see at this point is the dark.

I am at least aware of my thoughts, feelings, and motivations this time. I need to be strong and use my DBT skills and do something. Actions change feelings. Thoughts do not change how you feel. If I give up, I know I’ll end up pulling the bog in behind me and not coming out. I have to fight for me. I deserve to feel worthy and useful. It’s time to do some serious work.

So what is real food anyway? And why does it matter?

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Any dieter can tell you that there is real food and there is diet food, and never the twain shall meet. The message fat people have been given is that they don’t deserve good, tasty, real food; and the only way to become a thin (read better) person is to eat only diet food.

What, you may ask, is the difference? Well, let’s start by defining diet food. This food usually contains substitutes for sugar and fats. Often drier and powdery. Often high protein and fiber, and low in flavor. And also usually highly processed and fake. Examples would include the ever popular rice cakes, celery, sugar and fat free hot cocoa, diet sodas. There are many, many more. Anyone who’s ever tried to lose weight knows the list by heart. Frequent words of wisdom to dieters are “if it tastes good, spit it out.”

Real food is natural. Contains all of its parts. Tastes good. Usually higher in calories and satisfaction. It can be very healthy (leafy greens) or it can be rather bad for you (birthday cake).

So, if all it takes is switching to diet food, why isn’t everyone a size 0? Well, lets begin with satisfaction. Real food pleases the palate. It fuels and feeds your body and soul. There is a great variety and abundance. Diet food, not so much. In the past, when I believed in the diet food mantra, I would find myself unsatisfied. Yearning for a specific flavor and/or texture. So, in an attempt to satisfy that need, I’d eat a ton of diet food, which never did take care of the craving. I’d often end up eating far more than if I’d just gone ahead and eaten the real food. So naturally, I never lost weight. I thought about this problem a lot this time around with WW.

I had a eureka moment. I was consuming far too much calorie-wise, even though I was only eating diet foods. Why couldn’t I stop binge eating the diet foods? Surely the solution was to find a way to no longer need to binge or crave or punish myself. So, I went through therapy (a good therapist is a MUST). I read some books on ways to lose weight. I looked up how others had lost weight on the internet. And I came to this conclusion. Every person deserves real food. No one should use food as a punishment, withholding good food because they are fat and unworthy of good food. Next, I began letting myself actually eat the real food. I’d been brain washed into thinking I could only eat diet food because I was fat. But, when I allowed myself to eat real food, I found I didn’t need to eat so much. I was satisfied with a lot fewer calories. And I lost weight (141 lbs. to date)!

It is so sad. People trying to lose weight have been taught that they must punish themselves to be a better, smaller person. It doesn’t work. That’s why people can’t lose all the weight they would like to lose, and then they gain it back with reinforcements. Don’t do that to yourself. Be mindful. Reflect on what a great, wonderful, beautiful being you are. Know that you deserve good things, including delicious food.

Mindful eating means taking your time. Making your meal an event. Enjoying what you eat. Giving your body a chance to let you know when you’ve had enough. Put your fork down between bites. Sip a little water as you eat. Don’t tell yourself you have to be in the clean plate club. It is OK not to eat all of the food on your plate. If you don’t have enough, and you’re still hungry, you can get some more. Write in your journal about how the food tastes and makes you feel. Think about it; don’t blindly shovel it in trying to fill up your emptiness inside. Take the power away from the food, and give it to yourself. Diet food hurts you in the long run (artificial ingredients, continuing weight gain, feeling miserable). Liberate yourself from the diet food. You’ll feel better and be healthier.