Well, here it is, the holiday dedicated to over eating. What am I going to do to keep it under control?

Well, first of all, I have the advantage that I’m not going to my family to eat. It will be lonelier, but I can avoid 5 tons of food being pushed into my face. So, I’ll take it. My husband and I will have a small dinner that I make so I control it and will be able to make sure that the food is healthy and fresh and homemade.

That’s another thing I’m doing to manage it. I’ll make food in healthier ways. Less fat. More fiber. I will be able to control just how much food is available, too. No mountains of potatoes or dressing. I’ll make enough for us and a couple more meals over the weekend. Not enough to feed a whole hoard of people.

My WW coach always tells us to cope ahead and plan what we will eat. She also says to have islands on your plate, not continents. I am coping ahead by avoiding temptation and the stress of dealing with my family. I’ll also rehearse just what I’ll put on my plate. These skills give me more control and make me pro-active, not reactive. It will help me keep things smooth and calm. As a result, I’ll enjoy the day, but I won’t regret it.

I’ve had the Thanksgiving where Mammaw pushed 5 kinds of potatoes, deviled eggs, ham, turkey, coleslaw, green beans, corn, homemade rolls, pies, and red velvet cake. I’d eat until it hurt and keep going. Afterwards, I’d feel stuffed, ugly, guilty, and miserable. She didn’t mean to make me unhappy or hurt me, but that was how she showed her love, and not going along with it would have broken her heart. So, it was a choice between her pain and mine. She’s gone now, so I don’t have to worry about hurting her feelings any more. I’m not sure how I would handle her now. I know that eating like that only hurts me. I work hard not to do it. I have learned to take care of myself, finally. Setting boundaries and plans for healthy goals.

Not seeing my family is bittersweet. I feel envious of those who have big family get togethers because that is what I’ve been told my whole life is the way it should be. At the same time, I feel relief and freedom from not having to do as they want me to, not having to be the obedient daughter who does as she’s told and puts everyone else first no matter what it does to her.

The first year we stayed home for Thanksgiving, I felt a lot of grief and guilt. I was letting the family down. I wasn’t being the dutiful daughter. But as time passed, I came to see that they were doing just fine without me there. I don’t think they even missed me, to be honest. I felt better about myself because I wasn’t having to play 20 questions about why I didn’t have children and how much I weighed. That was all they ever seemed to care about. Not that I could create lovely crafts and cook good food or take care of myself or my successes. I stopped gaining 20 tons of guilt and 10 pounds of weight because of Thanksgiving.

Now, I am thankful and feel gratitude for my independence. My skills I’ve learned to take care of myself. My own home. My husband. My things. I know it’s OK not to hurt yourself to make someone else feel good. You aren’t being bad or selfish when you take care of yourself. You are being wise and planning for a better future.